Esteban José

I remembered a moment from my military training this morning.

Every learning exercise we do a crawl, walk, run. They emphasize certain criteria we are supposed to learn, and we are tested on in different ways.

This particular day we were learning rules of engagement, never fire unless fired upon. After receiving the instructions, being quizzed on it, it was time to go through some scenarios in the training simulator. We carried our M16’s and the large TV screen displayed different scenarios that would teach us, even under duress we were not supposed to fire our weapons unless someone was an immediate threat.

It started, we walk into a room, on the screen a terrorist is point a gun at the head of a screaming woman, using her as a body shield, his head was still exposed. We were shouting at him to put the weapon down, trying to descalate the situation, engrained in us that we couldn’t shoot because we were not actively being threatened.

Suddenly and before (most) could respond, the terrorist aimed his gun and started shooting at us. The scenario ended right after the terrorist started firing, presumably with a few casualties. Only one shot got off before the scenario ended, right as the terrorists gun was being pointed at my team. They replayed the scenario in slow motion, talking us through the proper response, then right before it ended, the shot registered in the replay – headshot by my rifle. If it were a real scenario, that shot would’ve ended the threat, and saved the team. We were the only ones (as far as I know) that would have passed.

Obviously it was meant to highlight the difficulties we were navigating, if someone had shot before the gun was pointed at us, there would’ve been severe repercussions… Breaking the rules of engagement were considered crimes, and in a real world scenario would in theory be punished by the Uniform Code of Military Justice.

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Ever since I can remember I’ve been a high strung individual, perceiving most everything as a threat. Whether it was my upbringing, my DNA, my belief system exacerbated by my military service, I’ve tended to be anxious around people, social situations, and did my best to avoided them, withdrawal (at least in my mind) was better than the alternative – potentially get into an altercation of one kind or another. The reason I remembered that scenario this morning was because there are some days when I’m in the gym and every little interaction, micro interaction bothers me… it feels similar to those training scenarios. Be on alert, there may be a threat, eliminate the threat if necessary.

The question I ask myself is – what is the actual threat? Is there really one? What is the likelihood that something which feels threatening will cause harm or turn to something negative?

The answer I received – if I view everything as a threat is the same thing as judging others. There is no way I can know the intentions of another, and while there are some which might have bad intentions, perhaps… a BIG perhaps, I perceive things as a threat because that is what I am…

We don’t see the world as it is, we see the world as we are. Judge not, lest ye be judged.

In certain scenarios it’s an advantage, but there is a time and a place… maybe, at least for now that time and place has passed.

It is time to allow a more peaceful perception to prevail.